Be the Actor - Chapter 1

I think I’ve experienced it enough to say that whenever you watch or listen to something sad, you should only do it once for that one story so you can appreciate it more. When I was young my parent love to sent me to a “motivational camp” I only gone there twice, but because the gap of both session is just a few month, I remember everything on the program(plus they mostly repeat their program without changing anything, I was even told to shut up and give chances to others when answering questions right)… And as a young boy I like to experiment on myself, like hurting myself, do stupid things… Not because I’m depress, I’m just curious. So on the second time that I went to that camp and the sad session comes, everyone was told to close their eyes and imagine their parents and loosing them in the future, lot of crying…but at that time my brain goes “what if I could control sad so I don’t need to cry when I’m sad or cry whenever I’m not sad, what if any emotion is controllable” and that’s when I think the start of the feeling like my heart becoming cold. When I cry I try to cry longer, when I’m happy and laughing, I immediately stop myself and make myself down… All sort of emotion out of the windows, forcing different emotion in wrong situation… All of that just because I was bored of the story. So! Value your ability to teared up, to laugh at jokes so you don’t become like me, typing Lol while in reality my face is like this 😐 most of the time. I’m serious btw I used to laugh loudly, now my laugh is quiet.